Ulcerative Colitis and Your Mental Health: How 5 People Cope

If you have ulcerative colitis (UC), you know that the physical symptoms—which include things like abdominal and rectal pain—can be challenging to deal with. However, the emotional side of living with the inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) can be just as tough. If you’ve been struggling, know that you’re not alone. According to one report, over 70% of people with active UC deal with anxiety and more than 41% have depression. It’s also not uncommon for folks with the condition to develop poor self-esteem and feel overwhelmed day-to-day—which makes sense. Navigating an ongoing health issue is hard.

Ready for the good news? There are many things you can do to positively regulate your emotions. We talked to five women who shared what’s given them the most peace—and even led them to see the silver lining of having this chronic disease.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I focus on the clarity my diagnosis gave me.’

For UK-based content creator Caroline Cumiskey, learning she had UC in 2020 was both a shock and a relief because it helped her make sense of mysterious symptoms she’d been experiencing. “It almost made it easier emotionally to accept the diagnosis,” she tells SELF, adding that it was like having a light bulb moment. Before that, Cumiskey had been struggling to leave the house due to fears of “needing to go.” The pain and number of bathroom visits were unbearable, and she was regularly crying at night due to the ongoing discomfort and uncertainty surrounding her health, Cumiskey says.

“Sometimes a diagnosis gives you validation,” agrees American Ninja Warrior competitor and professional athlete Barclay Stockett, who developed UC in 2019. Before a diagnosis, you don’t understand what’s going on, so it’s even harder for other people to understand, she explains. “If you can’t tell them, ‘I have this condition and this is how it affects me,’ then they’re kind of in the dark.” So while having negative emotions around receiving a UC diagnosis is valid, it’s worth considering this bright side.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I found others who could relate.’

All the women we interviewed cite connection as a key factor in emotional healing. “Educating myself and speaking to other people who had UC or Crohn’s [was the most helpful emotionally],” says Stockett, adding that she joined an anonymous social network specifically for people with chronic illnesses. (Sadly, the site was shuttered in late 2024, but similar sites do exist.) “I really needed connection with other people who understood, because I didn’t feel understood,” she says. She also found it helpful to hear tips from other women (like what probiotics they were taking) and to hear stories of remission, which made her feel hopeful.

“Being able to connect with people online that are going through the same thing really helped me,” agrees Lyndsey Wilson, a testing coordinator at the University of North Texas Health Science Center who lives in Fort Worth. She adds that it was particularly comforting to see those who had been in remission for a long time. “Getting to see that helped me emotionally accept, ‘Okay, this is my new normal, but it’s okay, I can navigate this,’” she says.

Atlanta-based IT contractor Taylor Pittman echoes this sentiment: “Talking to the doctors is great, having your own personal support system with your family is great, but having someone that is going through what you’re going through was the biggest help for me,” she says. “Literally, my mental [health] took a whole 180 [when I] was able to find just three to four people,” Pittman adds.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I shared what I was going through.’

One way to connect with others outside of a support group is via social media. When Stockett started posting about UC on her social channels, people—including some she knew personally—reached out saying they had the same diagnosis. Pittman, too, ultimately started posting UC-related content after keeping her diagnosis to herself for about five years. “I made an Instagram post and was just like, ‘Hey guys, this is what I have. Has anybody else had this?’” She was shocked at how many people commented and DM’d her that they did. “Now, I have three or four women who have [an ileostomy] bag like me who I text every single day,” she says. (An ileostomy bag collects waste in a pouch outside the body.) Being vulnerable on the internet made her see how courageous she actually is, she adds.

Even if you don’t want to talk about what you’re going through publicly, it can help to do so privately. “I know some people are like, ‘I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to think about it,’” says Wilson. “But when you’re ready, talk to people and be honest with them. I think that helps them as well as you because they know what’s going on.”

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I built a strong support system.’

In addition to having at least one person in their life with IBD, all of the women interviewed for this story also talked about the importance of having a strong support system in their friends and families. “A lot of my friends knew me [pre-diagnosis], and so they got to see me go through all of that,” says Wilson. “I think they understand, even if they can’t fully comprehend everything. Having those people that you can actually be honest with [about] what you’re going through, I think, is really helpful.”

Personal trainer and content creator Angelena Minniti-Stampone, of Sicklerville, New Jersey, was diagnosed with UC as a freshman in high school and channeled her embarrassment around her symptoms into humor. “How I found myself coping with it at that young age was making a joke out of it, and I think that’s how I connected with my friends over it,” she says. This was only possible, she notes, because she felt so safe with her friend group. “They made me feel really comfortable and were super understanding and accepting of it,” Minniti-Stampone says. “Find a group of friends or lean into your support group. Be honest and open with ’em because otherwise it can be extremely isolating.”

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I set strong boundaries.’

A support system is critical, but it’s also important to acknowledge when you need some time and space to yourself. “Emotionally, I found putting up really strong boundaries to protect my stress was huge,” Stockett says. Not only does doing so help regulate emotions in the moment, it can also protect you from chronic stress, which research has linked to IBD flares.

“I think you have to start being a little bit protective with your emotional capacity,” Stockett says. She suggests identifying the stressors in your life and cutting ties with anything that can be eliminated. For her, that meant temporarily quitting gymnastics, which she coached as a side hustle during COVID when she couldn’t professionally compete as an athlete: “I didn’t feel like my UC or my limitations were understood in that environment,” she says, noting she’d sometimes need to run to the restroom and have another coach cover her group. It also meant cutting certain people out of her life. “It might be uncomfortable for a little bit to cut them out, but then the breath of relief and the physical changes in your body will tell you if it was the right choice,” Stockett says. “It’s just absolutely essential to have peace in your life so that your body can start to recover.”

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I look for silver linings.’

“One thing that I’ve been forced to learn is how resilient I am,” Stockett says. She cites examples like being stuck in the bathroom until mere minutes before go time at the finals for an American Ninja Warrior competition, as well as instances when she had to go to work even when she was seriously ill. “You never know how strong you are until you’re tested,” Stockett says. “I do have a lot more confidence in my abilities after proving to myself time and time again that I am made of some pretty tough stuff. This confidence has carried over into other areas of my life, from business acumen and public speaking to so many other areas.”

Minniti-Stampone, who owns an online fitness and nutrition company, has also learned a lot about herself through her experience with UC. “I think I am the way I am because of my disease. The pain that you endure with ulcerative colitis is unfortunately indescribable,” she says. Dealing with this ongoing discomfort has shown her that she can face a challenge, manage it, and keep moving forward as she builds her business from the ground up.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I learned to listen to my body.’

“The biggest thing for me was allowing myself to have bad days,” says Pittman. When she was diagnosed during her junior year of college, she felt pressure to push herself to do more than she was physically capable of at the time. “My doctors were encouraging me to take a year off from school [and] really just focus on healing, and I was like, ‘No, I’m not gonna do that because society and culture [are] telling me that I have to push through,’” she says. Unfortunately, her condition went from bad to worse. Now, she tells others to always listen to their bodies and to take breaks. “You have to allow yourself to adjust to what your new normal is gonna be and that takes time,” she says. “You have to give yourself grace.”

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I always plan ahead.’

Being realistic about your condition and taking necessary precautions can help offset anxiety, some of these women say. “Anywhere I go, I always look out for where the toilet is and things like that,” Cumiskey says. For Minniti-Stampone, her husband helps by making sure there are bathrooms along the route for longer car rides and also at their destinations. “[A lot of people don’t understand, but] those are the things we have to keep in mind, and those are the things that we have to deal with and plan for on top of everything else that’s going on,” she says.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I hype myself up.’

When you’re experiencing a flare, it’s hard to see the other side of it, Wilson says. “My biggest thing is I always tell myself I’m stronger than I think I am,” she says. Research backs up the fact that positive self-talk can help with emotional regulation: A 2020 study found a positive relationship between self-talk and coping with the stress of having an illness. Today, Wilson feels much stronger than the 24-year-old she was when she was diagnosed. “It’s hard when you’re in it, but it’s like, I know I’ll get through this. I’ve done it before. It’s my mantra, just telling myself that,” she says.

Healthy lifestyle tips Relationship advice Life hacks for everyday living Personal development tips Relationship tips and tricks ‘I believe that remission is possible.’

Above all, these women say it’s important not to give up. “There is light, there can be remission, you can get relief,” Minniti-Stampone says.

Stockett says she doesn’t feel limited anymore and she wants people to know that living well with UC is possible. “You can be a professional athlete who’s come back from extremely severe ulcerative colitis,” she says. “I am still living the life that I want to live, even though I have UC.” She adds that it’s important to keep moving forward and learning what works for your body. “Eventually you’re going to find the answers, whether it’s a specific medication or a diet or avoiding certain foods or cutting out the stress in your life,” Stockett says. “You’ll find the exact blueprint that you need to get back to the life that you want to live. There is a path that leads to healing and leads to remission.”

If living with UC is taking a toll on your mental health and you need someone to talk to immediately, you can get support by calling the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or by texting HOME to 741-741, the Crisis Text Line.

Additionally, The Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation offers resources and local groups nationwide for ongoing support.

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Related:

• 11 Ulcerative Colitis Symptoms You Should Never Ignore
• How to Make Traveling With Ulcerative Colitis a Little Less Stressful
• I Have Ulcerative Colitis and Used to Go to the Bathroom 20 Times a Day