Seth Meyers Roasts ‘The Real Housewives,’ ‘Versant,’ Dick Wolf and the ‘Long Buried Secret’ of Matt Lauer at NBCUniversal Upfronts

Seth Meyers went there! Hitting the NBCUniversal upfront stage on Monday morning, Meyers gave a strong monologue tweaking his corporate overlords — and one joke at the very end elicited the biggest laughs (and gasps!) from the audience.

He kicked off the gag by noting that “we have some great returning shows this year, as well as some new shows. ‘Ted’ is returning to Peacock for a second season, but for the sake of ad sales, we’re just gonna call it ‘The Bear.’”

Fine joke. And then he went in for the kill, utilizing the upcoming new show from his pals Amy Poehler and Mike Schur: “‘Dig’ follows four women who work in a archeological dig in Greece who uncover a long buried secret. Well, if it’s a long buried secret at NBC, I’m guessing it’s Matt Lauer.”

Boom, nailed it. “I’ve been told to wrap it up here!” he quipped. It was perhaps the first time Lauer’s name had been uttered on an NBCU upfronts stage since the former “Today” show host was fired in 2017 over sexual harassment allegations.

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Beyond that, Meyers took glee in roasting Comcast for inexplicably naming its cable spin-off — formerly referred to as “SpinCo” — as the puzzling “Versant.”

“That’s right, ‘Versant,’” he said, noting that it sounds like a pharmaceutical name. “So remember to ask your doctor if Versant is right for you. For real, ‘Versant’ sounds like something you hear advertised during the news that makes you wonder, do I have wet AMD? When I heard the company was called Versant, I thought it’s official. There are no good names left. Imagine being jealous that someone beat you to ‘Tubi.’ Do we call it ‘Roku?’ Believe it or not, somebody already took ‘Roku.’ Snatched it up faster than a ‘Quibi.’

“I was told Comcast named NBCUniversal’s cable spin off ‘Versant’ to emphasize corporate versatility,” he added. “They’re so versatile. In fact, they’re so versatile, they’re willing to change it again when you don’t like it. By the way, you know what’s a catchy name? SpinCo. Here’s the good news. It’s not about the name, it’s about quality. Versant will consist of USA Network, CNBC, E!, Oxygen, Syfy, MSNBC and the Golf Channel. So bad news, Mr. President, if you want the Golf Channel, you will have to also get MSNBC.”

That led to a mention of Trump’s suit against Paramount over “60 Minutes,” but Meyers used it to tweak his bosses. “Speaking of President Trump, his administration is currently suing CBS for $20 billion whereas NBC has managed to avoid Trump’s wrath by very shrewdly not having $20 billion. Always staying one step ahead.”

Taking aim at Bravo: “Oh, and before I forget, there are more than 25 Real Housewives here today. I legally have to tell you that it’s like when there’s an announcement that strobe lights are being used during the performance,” he said. “This is cool. Bravo has ordered a new Real Housewives spin off the ‘Real Housewives of Rhode Island.’ And while I’m excited, if we’re going to do one in New England, do it someplace where the accents are heavier, you know, the Real Housewives of Southie. Nobody’s drinking wine. They’re just pull little Fireball bottles from their purse. ‘I’m not having her at my birthday dinner. She’s a backstabber. Literally, she stabbed her first husband in the back!’ ‘Oh, come on, Kathy you’re being dramatic.’ So this ‘The Real Housewives of Southie,’ they’re gonna call it VERSANT!”

Meyers took advantage of the new Pope Leo XIV from Chicago to get in a few Dick Wolf gags: “Can I just say, as a proud member of the NBC family, this has been a huge year for us. ‘The Traitors,’ ‘SNL 50,’ ‘Chicago Pope!’ You know Dick Wolf’s agent is on the phone with the Vatican right now saying, ‘Dick gets a cut. You never would have thought of Chicago Pope without Dick!’ What a time to be Dick Wolf. NBC has renewed ‘Chicago Med,’ ‘Chicago PD’ and ‘Chicago Fire.’ It’s all part of our ongoing commitment to making sure people are terrified of Chicago.”

Also, as NBC announced Monday that it would air a special next year marking its 100th anniversary, Meyers joked, “NBC is 100 years old, so that’s something you can sell the 18 to 49 demo on, right? Might as well put your ads on the side of an old church. That’s right. NBC next year will celebrate its 100 year anniversary, but it hasn’t really been funny since the first season.”

OK, that one didn’t quite fly with the ad crowd, which didn’t get the reference at first. “That’s an ‘SNL’ joke,” Meyers had to explain. “Did you know ‘SNL’ turned 50 last year?”

Meyers also joked that he admires NBC’s “consistency… I just feel like everything’s gonna be okay in the world when I wake up to Hoda Kotb and end my day with Lester Holt. What’s that? They’re both leaving? We’re all gonna die.”

That may be true, but at least we have “Wicked For Good” to look forward to later this year. After director John M. Chu revealed the film’s trailer to the crowd, asking the audience not to record it, Meyers quipped: “I said it at last year’s upfront, and I’ll say it again this year. I filmed the ‘Wicked’ trailer on my phone backstage, and I’m happy to airdrop it to anyone here.”

Meyers opened his set with a tongue-in-cheek offer to the media buyers in attendance: ” I’m Seth Meyers, or for the right price, ‘Tostitos Presents Seth Meyers.’ I host the 12:30 slot. I’m open to anything. If I could sell the naming rights to my kids, I would. Verizon would be a great name for my seven year old, considering how often I scream at him, ‘Can you hear me now?’

“My daughter’s name? Maybe it’s Adelaide, maybe it’s Maybelline… maybe it’s Ford F-150. I’m not picky. You guys, everything is for sale. For example, the second part of “Wicked’ is set to premiere later this year, and I’m just saying for the right price, she could fly a Swiffer. They could melt her with Aquafina water. We will do the reshoots. The industry is in flux. We’re open to a lot!”